Breaking up with your boyfriend can be a shock that leaves you reeling. Even if you do the breaking up, life without someone you love is a big adjustment and one that is likely to fuzzy your thinking. Most women’s first reaction is to reach out and try to smooth things over, to fan the flames. That might work in a few cases, but most of the time, resolving the problem will take time, clear thinking, and some tough decisions.
Decide Whether You Want Him Back
Sometimes the end of a relationship is an excellent thing, even if it feels horrible. You and your ex may have been unhappy for a long time, but neither wanted to be the first to call it quits. Women who are in one-sided relationships with selfish men or have abusive partners often stay because they are afraid to be alone or think they were the problem. So, before you try to figure out how to get back with your exboyfriend, make sure it’s what you want. Even if you decide he’s a good man, it’s still wise to maintain distance for a while.
Take Some Time Away from the Ex
When men break up with their girlfriends, they usually want time to think about the situation. They might also want a break from arguments or tension. That is why you should stick to the no contact rule after a split. Couples who spend time apart tend to miss each other after their first feelings of anger or hurt begin to die down. Just as important, it allows you to get clarity.
Think Clearly About Your Relationship
Relationships break up for a variety of reasons, and time apart makes it easier to decide whether they are fixable. If partners’ core values are very different, getting back together will almost always lead to another breakup. However, compromise can solve other problems. Relationship specialists writing for Cosmopolitan Magazine point out that complications like having jobs in two different cities can often be resolved.
Live a Full Life Without Him
Even if you’ve decided your problems are fixable, it’s smart to avoid contact with the ex for at least four weeks. Do not call, text, or “accidentally” bump into him. Maintain distance, keep a positive attitude, and live life as usual. Go out with friends and do the things you enjoy. If he’s genuinely interested, your independent manner acts like a catnip that will make you seem much more fascinating. It also gives you a chance to determine his level of commitment. If a man isn’t remotely moved by the fact that his ex is happily getting on with life, he’s probably not the one for her.
Being apart is a good time to think about what attracted you in the first place and what you miss about the relationship. Many women are surprised to find they are missing those good feelings they had at the beginning. Professionals at Psychology Today advise that focusing on those first romantic vibes isn’t a great idea. That excitement is caused by brain chemistry and hormones, and can’t last for years. Looking back while apart offers clarity and makes it easier to realize the truth if there weren’t many happy memories.
Don’t Panic If He Is Seeing Someone Else
It may be incomprehensible to women that men could pursue someone else soon after a breakup, but many men do just that. They are often looking to fill the void left by female companionship. Many are lonely and lack the emotional support systems women have. You have to decide whether his dating is a dealbreaker for you. If you want a long-term relationship with your partner, it might be worth waiting out a current fling.
But, before deciding to put your own romantic life on hold, try to figure out whether he seems serious about someone he is dating. Men rarely fall in love right away after a split. They generally have “rebound” relationships.
There are a few signs that let you know he is dating on the rebound. The relationship will begin quickly after your break up and seem to move very quickly. It will not last long. If you think (or know) your ex is with someone new, do not panic, stalk him, text him, or show signs of jealousy. That kind of behavior drives men away.
Address Your Issues If You Get Back Together
A month is usually long enough to maintain distance from an ex if you broke up with him. After four weeks without contact, he is probably missing you, and you can make contact. Play it by ear if he broke up with you. Depending on the circumstances, you might not want to get back together.
If you do agree to meet, be clear about the problems that lead to the split. It is tempting to keep it light and talk around obstacles, but burying them will just lead to a future breakup. Set definite boundaries and let him know what is and isn’t acceptable. It may seem natural to do anything to stay together, but do not follow an instinct to just “take it” for the sake of togetherness.
Do Not Use Tricks to Win Him Over
Avoid flattering or buttering up a partner when you meet. They probably know what you are doing, and it will not make a difference in their decision. Even if you are acting out of love, it looks manipulative.
Keep the Happy Memories if He Has Moved On
Sometimes all the strategy in the world cannot save a relationship, and there will be times when you both agree that parting is the best thing. When that happens, try to remember the good times, and when talking about the ex to others, keep it positive. You’ll have great memories regardless of the other person’s point of view.
Breaking up with an ex does not always have to be the end of a relationship. If you take some time apart, the ex gets a chance to miss you, and you can get clarification. Maintain your calm, even if they begin dating someone else, and live life to the fullest in the meantime. If you decide you want them back after a month, make contact or allow them to contact you and then talk about the problems leading to the split. When nothing can save the relationship, keep a positive attitude, and remember the good times.
