Most couples have bumps in the road they will need to work out. I’m not telling you I have all the solutions to your relationship problems. I can, however, share my experiences with you, the relationship problems my husband and I have faced and the solutions for us. Our marriage problems started out like many others, but we chose to ignore them rather than find a solution early. Of course, this only made things harder and put a strain on our relationship.
Today, my husband and I are happily married, four children, dogs, cats, ducks, and a bunny rabbit named BunBun. We’re building on and remodeling our home and life is good. We have learned how to identify relationship problems early and approach them, so they don’t blow up later. Looking back 6 to 8 years, if you had asked me where I saw my marriage in 5 years, I would have said divorce, which is where we were at one point in our relationship. We split up for over six months and were to the point of filing for divorce. I was planning on moving but, we had a child together, and both agreed we needed to talk about our daughter and what was going to be best for her in all this.
It was the first time in a long time we were both able to talk, and it was nice. We didn’t get back together right away, but we did start talking more, which eventually lead to us talking about what happened and where things went wrong. We agreed there were a few relationship problems we could have avoided.
What happened? I was planning to move in less than a month, I had a job set up, and everything was lined out. Shawn and I decided we needed to talk like adults for our daughter’s sake. We needed to have some plan because regardless of what we wanted, she loves her mother and father and deserves to have a healthy relationship with us both. We decided to meet for lunch, which was nice. We both were over the being mean and ugly part and were able to sit down and talk like adults for the first time in a very long time.
Things didn’t take off right away. We did start talking more and more, and he eventually asked the question, “where did it all go wrong?” WOW. That was a hard one because at this point we were getting along so well, we both gave it some serious thought and started to talk about what we should have done differently. Which eventually lead to both of us seeing, admitting, and apologizing for our wrongs in it all. It wasn’t much longer that we decided to give things another try, and I can honestly say we both fell in love with one another all over again.
Looking back there were several common relationship problems we faced, but we made the choice to ignore them. Had we stopped to find a solution early on, I don’t think our relationship would have made the turn that it did. However, that was our journey; it’s gotten us to this point in our marriage. I wouldn’t change anything even if I could, but I do hope other couples can recognize some of the common relationship issues and find a solution, rather than ignoring.
- Communication – It’s so easy to lose the ability to communicate with your partner. Neither one of us wanted to argue and fight, so we just let things go. It eventually ended up at a point where we didn’t know how to talk to one another, which lead to not being able to talk to one another. Both parties should be able to communicate openly and listen with an open-mind. Communication is the only way for a couple to get truly to know one another, the things that make them cringe and the things that give them goose pumps. It’s how you learn your boundaries, show love, and become friends.
- Stop Assuming – Stop assuming, if you want to know something, ask. Trust me, assuming isn’t worth it. Assuming you know what your partner is thinking or doing isn’t fair to either of you. If you think something is going on, stop yourself from thinking you know and find a way to approach your partner.
- Trust – Trust is often hard for couples because we’ve all been in previous unhealthy relationships, but remember that it isn’t your partners fault. I had to open my eyes and see things for what they were. It’s not fair to punish someone for past relationship problems and mistrust.
- Arguments – Naturally, arguments are going to happen, but they do not have to escalate to screaming and yelling horribly mean things at each other. Once screaming starts, it’s best to stop for a moment and collect your thoughts. If needed, remove yourself from the argument and approach one another when you can talk about your relationship problems. Yelling and screaming during an argument typically results in mean things being said and regardless of being upset or not, those words can never be taken back.
Secrets – Don’t keep secrets from your partner. If you’re keeping secrets from your partner chances are they will find out, and it’s likely going to lead to distrust, which can ruin a relationship. If you care about your partner and want to build the relationship, don’t keep secrets. Those nasty things have a way of coming out sometimes years later, but they always manage to make their way back to the surface.
- Forgiveness – Something I’ve learned is forgiveness. My husband used to apologize for things, and I would say okay, but I didn’t truly forgive him because I never felt closure on the situation. There were a lot of times I just didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I would agree and move on. I think it is important to forgive truly your partner. Without forgiveness, it’s likely you’ll bring up the situation over and again because you’re not over it.
- Leave the past in the past – Leaving the past in the past is easier said than done, I know. However, it’s crucial that if you plan on moving forward, you must leave anything anyone said or did in the past. Yesterday’s news shouldn’t be brought up repeatedly and living in the past is only going to cause more arguments and give you more relationship problems.
- Intimacy – Intimacy is an important part of a serious relationship and marriage, but it can also be one of the things to suffer first once we start building a life. There are several reasons a couple experience intimacy issues: time, stress, children, work, insecurities, or maybe they’re looking to change things up. Many couples have relationship problems due to sex, and they are not always easy to overcome because it can feel awkward or uncomfortable. First it’s something you’ll both need to communicate about, be open-minded and understand what the other expects and wants sexually. Show affection! Sit by one another on the couch, cuddle, flirt and enjoy being next to one another. Both of you should feel wanted from one another, so don’t be sit around and wait for your partner to make the first move. I guarantee they’ll like you coming after them too!