Being a working mom or dad is stressful, as is being a stay-at-home mom or dad, parenting isn’t easy. I’m a work-from-home mom, but two years ago I was a full-time district manager for a bank here in town. I traveled all the time, worked from 7am until 8pm most nights, and truth be told, I hated every last moment. At that time in my life, I would have said, “YES being the working mom or dad penalty” hurts us all, but it was only because I was bitter. Working full-time, with four children, one of which is special needs, three children all in different schools, and a husband who worked too far out-of-town to come in unless it was an emergency was hard, but I never felt the impact until I was bitter and unhappy with the direction my life was going.
Does The “Working Mom or Dad Penalty’ Huts Us All?
I read an article on Yahoo Parenting called The “Working Mom Penalty’ Hurts Us All“ and my wheels start spinning.
Does the “working mom penalty” hugs us all?
There are so many things I wish I would have known before becoming a mom, but there isn’t a book. Gosh, being a mom and dad is hard no matter how you do it. Working vs. working from home, gosh I think it depends on the person and where they are happiest.
There was a time when I wanted to work; I had my career, I was proud of myself, and the things I was teaching my kids. I honestly never once felt like anything should have been different. I did what I had to as a mother. There was a few times I could tell my boss didn’t like the idea of me leaving, but she hired me knowing I was a mother. Now, don’t get me wrong things we not easy, but I just rolled with it.
There was even a point and time my husband had to stop working for a year because we couldn’t find anyone to help with our special needs son. I continued to work, because of the hours, I worked closer to home and made a little more money. My husband didn’t want to stay home, but it was what needed to happen. We could have made it on his income, but it would have been difficult. If you were to ask my husband today, he would tell you it was one of the best things that ever happened to our family. Things happen the way they do for a reason.
After I had Mattie things changed, I didn’t want to work, but I couldn’t quit. I was working my life away and wanted to stay home with the kids. Being unhappy helped me notice everything that was difficult – calling in sick, the looks my boss gave me because I had to leave, not getting to eat at lunch, spending Sunday afternoon at the grocery store. I started seeing what an inconvenience my job was, but it was because I wasn’t happy working anymore. It was a stressful time in my life, but it needed to happen or I would still be working at the same place, unhappy.
You might be wondering why this changed with Mattie and not the other kids. Some of you probably know, but if you don’t let me give you the short version. I have 4 children, 3 I have raised for the last 10 years, and our 4th and if we’re blessed a 5th I have had since birth. However, they are all my children, and I would do anything for them. We don’t use the word step in the house because I’m a mom and https://www.jennsblahblahblog.com/mom-always-said-i-liked-to-learn-things-the-hard-way/always will be a mom to them. The kid’s donors made choices that they apparently stood by long ago when the kids were little. I just wanted to toss that in there so you understand why having Mattie caused me to change so much, because giving birth to a child changed me more than growing up. From one day to the next, my life was different.
After my three months (I took everything I could) of maternity leave I headed back to work. There was no way my husband and I could make it on just his income. Well, that and we were having some serious relationship issues. I knew it wasn’t a good time to even think about not having a steady income. Before even going back, I knew I didn’t want to be there, but I honestly never thought I would leave.
It took me two years, but I finally left my career outside the home to become a work-at-home mom, which is just as stressful in other ways, but I’m so much happier. I hardly notice the stress, because I’m happy, and it’s part of my #1 job, as a parent.
So back to the question, does “working mom/dad penalty” hurt us all? I think it depends on the person. I am including dads in this, because I know tons of great dads who do what it takes to raise their children. There are TONS of wonderful fathers out there who are included in this. My husband is one of them, when the kids moms split, he did what he had to and raised his babies alone until we got serious. Anyway, here is what I think….
Anyway, here is what I think….
Being a parent makes you crazy, it’s hard, stressful, and there are times I want to bang my head against the wall. I have fallen asleep at my desk and wrote an entire post with only zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s, because my cheek was on the keyboard so long, LOL. Sacrifices were made, things were stressful, but being a stay-at-home mom isn’t any less stressful – it’s different and it doesn’t always make visiting the doctor during business hours easier.
Stress is part of life; we learn to deal with it because everyone can’t meet our needs. It would be nice if doctors offices, schools, dance class, etc all functioned around everyone’s schedule, and they might eventually meet modern parenting needs. Until then, these are the sacrifices of parenthood; both moms and dads make every single day. It’s a double edge sword; we can either roll with or become miserable over.
If I have learned anything in life, it’s that there are no promises. There will be things that happen we don’t like, but in the end it’s what’s supposed to happen and something good typically comes from it when I’m open-minded. We are parents; it’s our #1 priority; we either make ourselves unhappy about it or we roll with it and make the best out of it. Our children only have one childhood and it’s our job as parents to make it as good as possible, whether we work or stay home!
I really liked the way the article on Yahoo Parenting ended stating, “Worrying does you no good. Ask yourself, is this really going to make a difference to my child. Then go out and do what you can,” Steiner says. I think that sums things up nicely, because at the end of the day, that who it’s about, our children.
Do you feel like The “Working Mom or Dad Penalty’ Hurts Us All?
